You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
