When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
