I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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