I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
