That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
