You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
my sisters under your porch take her home
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
