Soap is not a condiment
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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