She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
