I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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