I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
