Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
