In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
