I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
