I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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