I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
