During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
