You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
