Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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