Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
