the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Who died my cat blue again?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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