I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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