I hate your face
where does the pee come out of this thing
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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