You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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