How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
