Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
