If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
