The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
