They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
