Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
