she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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