What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
