Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
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Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
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