I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
