He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
