hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
