Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
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When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
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We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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