He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Randomize
