i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
