oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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