Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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