I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your dad took our porno
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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