hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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