Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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