is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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