I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize