i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
