Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I am spending my child support on dildos
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
