Apparently you make a good broom.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
