It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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