Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
