Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
