Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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