so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
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