Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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