My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
