There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
That was before I lit my hair on fire
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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