his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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