I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
