Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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