Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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