I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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