There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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