He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
