I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
