It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize