If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I can't turn off my feet"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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