seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
We had sex on a dog bed..
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
