you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
