She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
