Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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