areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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