We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
