he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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