White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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